3:30 pm
‘Ever wondered why I’m not working?’
Let me admittedly rephrase it, ‘Ever wondered why I’m not working since morning?’
No, no.…hang on….don’t even bother to wonder. Don’t think so hard. You’ll never land anywhere…
Just forget that I asked you the question up there.
…
…
Yawn.
Yawn.
…
…
…
YAW- . .hey is that my manager coming?
–N. Never mind, at least I’ve completed my unfinished yawn. I don’t bother if he has come to know that I’ve 28 teeth instead of 32.
My numb mind slowly realized this is one of those rare days when I feel I’m not myself. I have that strange feeling of being half-awake and half-asleep which, strangely, makes me feel immensely good. I’ve heard this is how dopers behave when they are in. I think they get the same kinda pleasure I’m getting now. Well, the whole quarter-century of my life I’ve been complaining of not doing anything ‘great’ like doping, smoking, or drinking. I think I’m more gifted to get the weird sinful pleasures of life without indulging in them.
However, being zealously motivated by my eccentricity, I think I should actually tell you what I’ve been upto since morning.
Before anything, lemme tell you that Im with a reputed MNC, and the USP of its culture is that everyone knows everyone. You’ll come to know why I specified this cultural USP.
I remember when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I realized it was my second shift of sleep after getting ready for office. Got a little panicky to discover that I missed a call from my cabbie.
“Ok chill babes,....dont bother,” I told myself lousily. ‘You’re lucky.’ I called up my driver to ensure he had honked and left, but no, the morning did not hold such pleasures for me. He was just on his way to my place.
I took the lift down-something I never do. You see I’m very cautious about my health, and so, I always take the stairs…I take them down.
Today was different. I took the lift down.
Got in my seat half-eyed and dozed off amidst rambling bhangra music.
8:10 am
I slogged myself into the shaky lift of my office building. I think I looked like a zombie coz I found the security guy looking at me queerly. Did he think I was drunk? I wish he thought so. I think he could identify with me.
As soon as I entered the floor, I thought I heard mumbling questions with each step that I took. They sounded something like these:
‘Did you wake up just now?’
‘Are you still sleepy?’
‘Are you ok?’
I think I also heard something like ‘is she awake, or is she sleep-walking?’
My mind answered ‘Yeah dude, I’m a somnambulist. You have a problem with that?’ I wanted to tell him to go fish, but thought not to disturb my lull.
Slothfully, I walked to my desk and logged in. I thought the wallpaper of the cute Happy Feet mumbling guy would be inspiring enough to open my eyes, but in vain. Just then, I got a very philanthropic suggestion which was like ‘Go get yourself a coffee.’
Yeah, right. Why didn’t I think of that? I’m sure it’ll keep me on my toes, but then, who wants to be on toes? Not me at least. I JUST WANT TO SLEEEEPPP…..
I Got myself a coffee that could challenge the bitterness of raw bitter-gourd.
‘Hope it helps,’ I told myself.
Yeah, it did.
It so helped me open my eyes and utter ‘Yuuuccckkk’ when I took the first sip. Nevertheless, I gulped it down and felt I just turned masochistic overnight.
I felt sorry about the feeling.
‘Ok. I think I should just give time some more time to help me compose and start working. So go ahead and have another coffee,’ I told myself.
I had another coffee, this time being less masochistic than earlier. I felt I could see the world now with the whole diameter of my eyeballs.
‘Yes, I can. I can see everyone and everything now.’
Still, I had this strange urge to stretch myself and utter a yawn akin to a barbarous lion, but I realized it was too civilized a place for that deed.
Ahaa, I think I’m feeling fresh now. But what’s that weird taste in my mouth? I tried to rewind all my deeds since morning and locate my memory on whether I had brushed or not. Couldn’t remember anything. But I’m sure I had.
‘I can’t be so barbaric,’ I told myself.
Anyways, I felt I got a kick and arranged all my firefoxes and inboxes.
‘I wish I had a bean bag to rest on,’ I heard my mind whisper suddenly.
‘Shut up, you lazy bum,’ my mouth shouted.
I saw my cubicle mate look at me questioningly wondering if that comment was for him.
‘Sorry dude, I didn’t mean you. Go ahead with your work. Sorry again,’ I was really apologetic.
I gathered myself to start working and put my headphones on with painfully loud music.
‘Yes, that will keep me awake,’ I said victoriously. Despite saying so, I knew in my heart of hearts, I just wanted something soft to lay my head on.
11:30 am
I was virtually fighting myself to keep from dozing off. I had grown immune to the painful music, and I think it worked as a catalyst to drive me to sleep. I was blankly staring at the screen, the spreadsheet with all my keywords and ads seemed blurry. I think I should be proud to know that I had developed this unique art of sleeping with eyes wide open.
Nevertheless, to stave off my guilt pangs, lemme assure you that I tried my best not to doze. I tried hard to divert myself from positions and actions that would induce sleep. For instance, sitting in the same position with my legs resting on the CPU, or getting into the comfort mode of placing my hands on the keyboard to which it would get attuned in a span of time, or wearing that thick jacket which made me so warm. In fact, I also got up a few times to take a walk and have energy boosters. I think I’ve hogged more than I do other days.
And, I’ve had everything in sets of 2. I’ve had 2 cups of coffee, 2 brownies, 2 bananas, 6 almonds(2 sets of 3 each), and these have been boosting my energies only till the time they existed as themselves. The moment they were in me, they failed to work.
I remember I had also got up to take a little walk down the reception. I was not sleepy, no, sleepy is not the word, but I was immensely drowsy. I think I felt tipsy, without a drink.
Aah, the bean bag! I so wished I could sit on it for a few moments at least, but was afraid of falling off to sleep before so many eyes in the reception. There was the receptionist who looked like a stick that could collapse any moment, and the garguantuan security guy who could collapse her with just his heavy voice. I noticed the two other people on the other side of the sofa, a guy and a girl, discussing something. I vaguely got to hear the words, ICICI Prudential, cheques, papers, and realized that a fellow employee was taking up an investment plan. I disregarded and walked out the door.
I spent some time out and walked in refreshed. Remembered the two people discussing ICICI Prudential, and thought I should take it up too. As soon as I walked in, I saw the girl there.
‘Hey,’ I smartly went and asked her open-eyed, ‘that guy sitting with you, was he from ICICI Bank?’
She seemed amused.
‘No, he is Vipin, from your company, and I’m from ICICI,’ came her smart reply with a laugh.
I felt I got a slap. My eyes opened wider and my legs automatically turned me the other direction. This was the height of embarrassment I could ever remember.
‘Today is just not my day,’ I said to myself, ‘and its all because of my sleep. How could I not notice it was Vipin sitting on the sofa with that girl when I went out?’
I walked back to my desk briskly, this time decided enough to fight my numb brain and work.
3:30 pm
Its been 6 hours from the morning (excluding the single hour for lunch) that I’m at my desk. I should say I’m wide awake now, but when I go back to see what I’ve been doing all the 6 hours, I see nothing.
It’s then that I ask this question: ‘Ever wondered why I’m not working?’
Let me admittedly rephrase it, ‘Ever wondered why I’m not working since morning?’
...
Yawn
Yawn...
I realize its one of those rare days when I feel that I’m not myself. I have that strange feeling of being half-awake and half-asleep which, strangely, makes me feel immensely good.
Its just that strong urge to hit the sack, or just nap in your chair, and it is the limitation of this urge that makes it stronger. You desperately want to sleep, at least for a few minutes, but you know you can’t. You just cant.
You want it. You don’t get to do it.
This makes the mind want it more strongly, and you end up trying to gratify this urge in the least way possible, and in the process, end up wasting a lot of time without any substantial productivity. The inability to rest that iota more left me drowsy and languorous.
I realized after an hour that I wasted the whole day, and I felt irritated at the thought of it. I decided to leave work in about another hour and sleep right away.
Well, on second thoughts, did I actually waste my whole day? I think I didn’t actually, what about the twosome sets of supposedly energy boosters I hogged? And I learnt to walk about with open eyes.
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